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One year changes everything...

I realized this morning that I hadn't posted here in almost year. Not that I didn't think about it. I did. a lot. I just seemed to loose track of time, and the original intent of this was to have a place to vent about my horrible working conditions. But now that has completely changed. I am in a completely different place.



I have yet again switched jobs. What I thought would be my dream job turned out to be one of hell. I was let go after just 8 months, and then she let go another staffer. We are still trying to figure that one out. But it was one of the best things that could have happened to me. I knew that I was miserable when I was lying to people and telling them how much I loved my job. Even I didn't believe me!



But since then, there were a few tears, a couple of panic attacks, and a lot of alcohol. There is also a new future. They say that you can never go home. But I think that you can. In a round about way. At least that is what I feel like. I was very fortunate to be able to start a temp and contract position within a couple of days. The temp position lead to a full time position and a new direction.



I have always wanted to be a program and event coordinator. I know that seems weird, but it is what I am good at. Now I am, in my hometown, working with many people that I have known since I was a kid. I get to plan and design my little heart out. I work in a community that welcomed me back with open arms, and I'm damn happy.



I am going to work on continuing to do this. I think it is healthy... plus now I am a published writer and not just here!

Meet me in St Louis...

I'm official now... I have started my new job, am settling in, and am currently at the annual staff conference. I love it... It doesn't hurt that I got bumped to a really nice room, and am on the concierge floor... Got to love last minute travelling...

But I only have about 50 minutes of Internet available to me right now and I'm going to use it totally for blogging.... OK not all of it... i want to go down to the bar and have a night cap before bed... that sounds lush!

Work is going really well. I think that I am getting along well with my coworkers, and my boss... We are really more alike than I think even she realizes. I can see her in me and me in her, it's scary. We have another day at the conference, and then we head back to Tulsa. St. Louis is a nice city to visit, and should I have to I could live here, but I'm much happier in Tulsa. It's more me.

So much has been happening lately! I feel like I can't even begin to get everything out there... I want to, but there is so much of it swimming through my head! I am trying to journal and read through the books that I have piling up... They are raining a many a questions... I also am trying to make some life decisions.

I have been fortunate of the last 18 months to go from a no body to a somebody, with respect, in my community. When I first started to make a name for myself, I was shocked at how easily I adapted to it.. I was not used to being the popular kid who had a valuable opinion... It's not normal for me... but now I am getting recommended and asked to sit on these organization advisory councils, and committees... I am having to learn to say no. I'm not good at that... In fact I'm pretty bad at that...

I guess with good fortune you have to take on other potential issues. I am working through them and weighing those options... Making the tough decisions and saying, "I'm sorry but I can't."

I think I am going to head down and get that night cap now... If you are reading this, I hope all is well in your world... Oh and here is the plushness of my room... remember... that goofy geeky girl that you saw in the hall... She is having the same response that I am to this...

Goodbye Apathy

I started this blog because I wasn't happy... I was becoming disenchanted with everything in my life... But I am turning a new leaf... I am happy and I want to live my life... I have decided to re title this blog to reflect that... I know my life may not mean much to some people... but it means a lot to me...

Peace...

Whirlwinds...

Since the news of the new job things have been a whirl wind... I was able to tell my current employer and he was actually really happy for me. We both knew the consulting world wouldn't be my home, and that going to a foundation is better fit for me. My heart has always been as a volunteer and working in the community. Now I am actually getting paid for it.

In 12 hours I will be leaving an office that has taught me more than I could have imagined when I started. I had been pulled through the ringer for a month or two when I took this job at the consulting firm. I had never been in an environment like that. Everything had to be accounted for and was in turn billed to a client. I think that the timing was off more than anything. There were many factors that I contribute my unhappiness to. For one it was a hot summer, the office was being moved, my immediate supervisor was constantly travelling, and I was trying to learn the office politics (unsuccessfully). I was in a weird position at the office and had just had to move back home to my parents.

My predecessor was still with the company, but felt that she had ownership over the position. She was unwilling to truly help me figure out what it was I was to do. My boss is (still to this day) moody, in the broadest sense of the word. He could be happy and joking one minute, and turns to full on raging temper the next. He had been known to throw things at his assistants, and I purposefully kept an eye on his stapler for that reason. For the most part, I got along with everyone in the office. Some better than others. Some tried to test me and see how far I could be pushed. I know that there was several occasions that I was the butt of the office jokes, and found myself resenting the camaraderie that was impossible for me to become part of.

I will miss several people, and the familiarity that I have come to rely on everyday. But I am also ready for the new adventure. I am taking a huge leap into the world Non Profits and Fundraising. I will also be going to an environment that is all female. My current role is filled with men. Burly, burping, cursing, beer chugging men, educated roughnecks.

Who knows what will happen from here, but I am keeping a positive outlook on the world.

Times they are a Changin'

I am getting ready to hit a cross roads in my life. I will be leaving my current position and moving to a new company. I am not taking a "different" position, just the same job in a new company.


I have been in search of something different for a while now and it seems odd to actually be going somewhere new. I have been with my current company for a little over a year. It has had its good moment and its bad moments. But it seemed that my stress level has had more bad than good.


I am looking at this new position as an opportunity to do change everything. I don't mean my hair or my style. No those will stay in place. But my attitude, my confidence, my temperament, my outlook, they are all getting a make over. This is not my ultimate end goal job. But it is the closet step in the right direction that I have had. I am embracing it, smiling at the big guy up stairs, and saying a mighty big "Thanks!"


It's been a long journey to get here. I actually wasn't sure that they were going to bring me on board. I had met with everyone from this very small staff, and my last meeting had me questioning if this is what I wanted. But I consulted my most trusted advisors, and did some major soul searching. After gathering all of there information and weighing it I was able to reconcile in my head what I knew was an amazing opportunity.


I will be giving notice when my boss returns from a retreat on Monday. I don't know if he will keep me on for 2 weeks or if he will ask me to leave that day. I guess I will find out when I speak with him. He has given me some opportunity, and yet I feel like he doesn't trust me, or like me for that matter. I could be wrong, but I am generally a good judge of a person.


So, here is to me! Success, Passion, and Love (the later to follow soon I hope).

PS I love flowers... The majestic nature of the lone flower is amazing. I also believe that they have symbolism. The Hawthorne (pictured above) is a symbol of Hope and Prosperity.

In the Begining...

There are probably a number of reasons that you found this blog. You were bored and googled something at work... You were searching for me and found me... You know me and I trust that you will understand that I although I love you, I may have to vent a frustration about you in this environment...

I hope to maintain an anonmity with this blog, but I may not. I know alot of people, they know me... and someone will figure this out... But here I am...

So why am I disenchanted you might ask? Well I guess part is because I always thought that my life would be something different now... I wouldn't be working somewhere that I hate... I would have a relationship or two under my belt... But instead I feel like I am spiraling to something that isn't anywhere near what I thought my life would be...

Secondly, I am starting to believe that there are more important things in life than the things that I felt the need to prioritize... Family and Friends over Career and Affiliations... I am starting to want to develop into a better person... Not that I am a bad person... but I feel like I am disappointing people... In fact my best friend told me today that I had disappointed her... That was a hard reality...

I'm not sure how to describe me... I was voted as one of the Volunteers of the Year for 2006, for an organization that I belong to.... I have a dog... M. I have great friends, a loving family, and a cool roommate... I have been to Europe, and want to go back... I live in a City, but not a big city... I have never truly moved outside of the county of my birth... My parents are still married, 30 years, and rarely even so much as bicker...

I am starting this blog to sort through the things in my life that I am quesitoning... There are many... and that scares me... I'm terrified that if I don't figure out what to do with the next stage of my life soon, it will be too late... I hope you enjoy this blog... that it provides insight and hope to you as well